“You are no longer my daughter.”
Tala Barzkar can still feel the sting of her father’s final words, spoken just before he cut her out of his life. She remembers him tearing a photograph of the two of them in half and handing her the piece with her face on it. She was only 18 years old.
Now, at 27, Tala stands tall, supported by loved ones, successful in career, and following her passions. Over the last nine years, she has learned what it means to be strong and courageous, overcome grief, and stay true to herself.
This is the story of how Tala found herself and became Stenberg College’s 2024 Student of the Year.
Breaking Tala
Born in Toronto, Ontario, Tala spent most of her childhood in Sooke, BC, living with her parents and younger brother. Her father had been a medical doctor in his home country, but his qualifications were not recognized in Canada. Unable to practice medicine, he opened a local business, where Tala often helped out. Their life appeared typical on the outside; however,Tala’s parents were strict, closely monitoring every aspect of her life, including her friendships.
While working with her father,Tala discovered she had a passion for financial planning. However, her father disapproved of her career choice, and together, they chose dietetics instead. While Tala enjoyed learning about health and looked forward to helping others with her knowledge, she quickly realized she had no interest in this field and dropped out.
“They said that I could either stay and I would not be allowed to go out, or I could leave. I tried to talk to them about it, but ultimately, my dad was unbending.”
At around the same time, Tala fell in love. What is usually a beautiful, memorable moment in one’s life, quickly turned sour. Her parents disapproved of the relationship and gave her an ultimatum: “They said that I could either stay and I would not be allowed to go out, or I could leave. I tried to talk to them about it, but ultimately, my dad was unbending.”
Tala attempted to reason with her parents, but it was no use. She took the brave step of putting herself first and leaving home, determined to build a future on her own terms.
“I had been unravelling at the seams for so long, I was stuck in this 18-year-old’s mindset. I needed to break free. And really the biggest thing that that helped me through that was education.”
Tala finds her purpose
Tala knew she needed to find a career, so she decided to follow her passion for health and helping others. She began working as a Health Care Assistant (HCA) at her local hospital, mainly caring for senior patients. For Tala, these elderly patients reminded her of the parents she had lost.
While she enjoyed this career, she wished she could do more and provide greater impact for patients in need. Every day, she’d watch the nurses in the hospital supporting patients in a myriad of different ways, and she knew she had similar capabilities. At first, she considered becoming a Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN). It wasn’t until a colleague mentioned Stenberg College’s two-year Regional Diploma in Psychiatric Nursing, that Tala found her true calling.
As a Registered Psychiatric Nurse (RPN), Tala realized she could work closely with people facing mental health and substance use issues—issues that hit close to home, as her brother-in-law was struggling with both while experiencing homelessness. The chance to help people like him motivated her decision to become an RPN. “I didn’t know how to communicate with him, and that solidified my decision to become an RPN. I wanted to learn how I could talk to him, how I could help him.”
Rebuilding Tala
With that in mind, Tala’s journey at Stenberg began. While she was looking forward to helping others and becoming an RPN, she found that she was still struggling with her own trauma from childhood and the loss of her parents. Her trauma was occasionally causing her to project and takeout her anger and stress on those around her, as well as relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms.
A significant part of the program is self-reflection, and combined with the support of her instructors, this became a turning point for Tala. Her instructors suggested pausing and reflecting on her emotions before reacting, essentially sleeping on them, and ensuring to provide context. This advice marked a pivotal moment in Tala’s personal growth. After this, she began receiving counselling for emotional regulation, communication, and emotional intelligence. She also began working with a life coach that helped her unpack some of the trauma she was carrying. Instead of viewing her past as a burden, Tala saw it as an opportunity to heal and grow.
When asked about how much she has changed since she began the program, Tala is quick to say, “a full180.” Her education allowed her to discover her true self and learn more about who Tala is. “I had been unravelling at the seams for so long, I was stuck in this 18-year-old’s mindset. I needed to break free. And really the biggest thing that that helped me through that was education.”
Tala naturally excelled in the program, graduating with an impressive 92% grade point average. Her kindness and empathy, which are at the core of her true self, shone through in everything she did.
“Tala always puts others before herself, whether that’s people or the planet. Not because she feels she has to, but because she likes to. She is the most thoughtful, caring, hardworking, considerate and inspirational person I have ever known—someone we can all learn from.” – Paula Albert, Mother-in-Law.
Ron Anderson, the son of two of Tala’s patients said, “Tala consistently demonstrates an exceptional level of professional skill, care, presence and warmth in all that she does for my mom. It will be the great fortune of any patient to encounter Tala’s nurturing approach.”
Her colleague, Blair Anderson, added, “Tala’s bedside manner draws everyone out as they enjoy and appreciate interacting with her. When such interactions are backed up with top-notch care skills it ends up leaving patients feeling better about themselves.”
Tala’s friendliness, compassion, and care is not limited to her patients. In a lengthy reference letter from Tala’s neighbour, Joan Gamble, she writes, “I know of no other young person with so many great qualities. She is extremely hard working without tiring or complaining, caring, beyond compassionate, always positive, never expressing negativity, flexible, calm in stressful situations, with wonderful energy, and humble. Best of all, Tala has given me hope for the future.”
Paula Albert, Tala’s mother-in-law, adds, “Tala always puts others before herself, whether that’s people or the planet. Not because she feels she has to, but because she likes to. She is the most thoughtful, caring, hardworking, considerate and inspirational person I have ever known—someone we can all learn from.”
“I need to continue to move forward and focus on the good things, and hopefully sharing my story will help others who may be in similar situations.”
Becoming Tala, happily ever after
Following graduation, Tala has begun working as an RPN on a provisional license. She is planning on writing her registration exam in late October, after which she will be a fully licensed RPN. Tala is particularly interested in working in remote communities, where access to mental health services is scarce. She is currently planning on moving to Port Hardy, a place where she can provide support to those who need it most.
She has mostly come to terms with her past and believes in being open and transparent about her story. She feels that by telling her story, she can inspire others who might be in similar situations break out of toxic patterns that may be hurting them more than they think. It might make them feel less alone. Reflecting on this, she said “I need to continue to move forward and focus on the good things, and hopefully sharing my story will help others who may be in similar situations.”
Her relationship with her parents remains unchanged; however, she has found peace through the knowledge she has gained from the Psychiatric Nursing program and getting counselling.
Reflecting on how far she’s come, she says, “Through the program and through the life coach that Stenberg was able to provide, it really changed my view of who my parents are, and that they’re not monsters. They’re just individuals that made a choice and I must live with that.”
And while her parents may have disapproved of the person she fell in love with, she glows talking about their lives today: happily married, with a lifetime of love, happiness, and fun ahead of them.
Tala finally feels like she has found and become her own true self. She has overcome years of trauma, began a career she is proud of, and is looking forward to spending her life with her husband. She can finally say “I amTala.”
